A month ago I made the most impulsive decision of my life. I was trying to figure out what my next life chapter would be and feeling stuck and suffocated by my surroundings. Boulder, Colorado, which had just months before been a perfect paradise for finding myself, was beginning to feel small and limiting. I’d said I would stay one more year and then move on, starting new somewhere else, but I was beginning to wonder if I could wait that long.
My boss, Janice, had told me just days before that she was considering traveling with Remote Year. The idea had planted like a seed in my head, but I hadn’t had time to really think it through. Should I go with her? I had planned to sit down, weigh the pros and cons, check my finances and come to a well thought out, rational decision, but that Friday my dog passed away.
I spent the weekend wrapped up in my grief, depressed and hardly able to function. With Coop gone I had nothing holding me in one place and I had so many reasons to get away. I decided I’d join Janice.
On Monday I was told registration had closed for Bourdain, the Remote Year itinerary Janice had signed up for. I thought I’d missed my chance. But they made an exception and I was given until midnight to pay my downpayment to secure my spot. Without really fully knowing if I could afford it or whether or not it was the right decision I pulled the trigger. I made the payment.
I was sick with nerves for two days after that, wondering if I’d made the right decision, worried I’d bit off more than I could chew. My financial situation wasn’t great, so I realized immediately I’d have to find another job. I also had to break my lease, which I’d literally just re-signed for another year. And I would have to sell my car. That part I wasn’t too sad about, but I realized that would be just one more task in the long list of things I’d have to consider. I had four months until my departure. Four. Freaking. Months. Breeeaaathe!
After two days the nerves started to wear off and then I worried that the lack of nerves would cause me to get lazy and complacent. Complacency might mean not going if I didn’t make enough money in advance or find another part-time remote job. This is an example of me not trusting myself. That was not a valid concern. I kicked it into high gear immediately that next day and still have not stopped working my ass off.
For years I’ve felt trapped or unfulfilled, as though I’m limiting myself and not living the life I truly want to live. This opportunity presented itself to me at the perfect time and I grabbed it just as it was about to slip out of my grasp. Had I not just taken that leap of faith and said “what the hell” who knows how I’d feel now. This has become a major catalyst for the change I long for and I cannot wait to see who I am in a year’s time.
I need this more than anything right now and I’m working to manifest the resources I need to make the most of it. I need to make this work. So I will. And I already am.